HOW TO TRICK PEOPLE INTO THINKING YOU HAVE YOUR SHIT TOGETHER

Pardon my French, but we all know our style breaking point. It’s that moment when you decide there is no reason in the world why you should be wearing anything other than something ugly and comfortable.

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Examples:

The moment you decide to put on your Uggs that you got for Christmas in seventh grade.

The moment you realize that you’re hungover/still drunk so you’re just going to vomit on your outfit anyway.

The moment you decide that it’s not worth it to put on makeup because you don’t like/need to impress anyone you know.

The moment you decide that you don’t care if there are going to be hot people in the place you’re going to. 

The moment you decide that you don’t need real pants to make a coffee run.

The moment you decide that you’ve been up for 24 hours studying so you’re scholarly and no one will judge you based on your appearance.

Any of these ring a bell?

Lucky for you, I’ll be delivering a few fashion hacks for you to use on those days when you have given up all hope. When the Red Bull coursing through your veins is whispering “we want Uggggs”. These tips will trick all of your friends and new acquaintances into thinking that you really know what you’re doing and that your life is on track for success.

TIP 1: Invest in a pair of leggings that look like real pants and/or have a cool detail on them that makes it look like they’re really uncomfortable. People will be thinking “wow she’s really devoted to her appearance to wear those horribly uncomfortable but stylish looking pants to class at 7 am”. Alternative: buy a leather jacket and wear over everything.

Paris Fashion Week - Elie Saabow

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ow

TIP 2: Put some rings on. I’m not even kidding, rings are the secret to making you look like you have your shit together. All successful stylish people wear rings. If you have a t-shirt and running shorts on, but you have some rings on those fingers, everyone will be like damn she put that outfit on purposefully and she should be in Vogue. I’m not lying.

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TIP 3: Carry coffee. This is an easy way to make it look like you have a life full of things to do. So many things that you need a venti iced coffee black with one Splenda because your hard like that to keep you going. If you leave the cream/milk out, you’ll look like your job is a lot more important. I’m sure Victoria Beckham drinks her iced coffee black. You know who probably doesn’t drink black iced coffee, Lindsay Lohan.

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carrying two? genius. busy and has friends.

TIP 4: Bring and use your laptop everywhere. Going to a concert? Bring your laptop. Sleeping over at a friends? Bring your laptop. Going on a run? Bring your laptop. Nothing screams, “THERE’S WORK TO BE DONE” like a girl doing cartwheels while typing up important professional emails.

10 11 12you didn’t even notice Paris’ ugly outfits because she looks like she’s about to get shit done!

TIP 5: Wear lipgloss. I can’t follow this rule. Real people don’t wear lipgloss. If you wear lipgloss, I automatically place you in the category of insane, beautiful superhuman. How many people do you know who wear lipgloss? How many people do you know that have their shit together? Point p r o v e n.

lol Rihanna Music Video Shoot - March 1, 2006

just saying. 

You know who follows all of these rules? Our trusty style and life guru, Nancy Botwin. You know who looks like she has her shit together? Nancy Botwin. You know who doesn’t have her shit together? Nancy Botwin. Just saying.

n n2 WEEDS (Season 3)xo Miranda

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Miranda Feneberger

Miranda Feneberger

In the middle of an existential crisis. If you have one of those super long phone chargers can you send it to me?