I write about change a lot on this blog and I think that’s because I experience change a lot. I’ve learned that change comes in many forms, and sometimes we do not wish to accept the changes that are thrust upon us. It is learning to manage and manipulate that change that helps us to grow and adapt as people. I don’t mean to sound preachy or presumptuous when I write these little rambling posts, I just like writing about where I am. I think (and hope) that one day these posts will help me if I’m feeling lost.
I feel lost a lot. I’m sure who ever is reading this can relate to the feeling of not knowing. Something I’ve learned, just from life I guess, is that it’s okay to be lost. Being lost is the first step into a new adventure. That sinking feeling of not knowing where you are or where you’re going is one of those feelings that can be incredibly powerful if used the right way. Rather than dwelling in the confusion and in the past, I have been told to always move forward and never look back. There is always going to be a price that comes with moving forward, and that price is something we all have to pay at one time or another. Fear often holds me back. Fear of the unknown, fear of rejection, fear of abandonment. These are the things that keep me from moving forward. Yours may be (and probably are) different. Identifying the things that hold us back can make us stronger. We have to turn our fears into our motivations.
When I was seven, my parents split. (Before you start dreading this, know that it’s not a sob story). My dad left and never looked back, and for a long time I resented that. I resented that he never came back, never wondered what happened here, and never tried to fix things. For a while it made me weak. Not being able to go to father-daughter dances, not having someone to be my father figure, not having someone to walk me down the aisle, or to take care of my mother made me feel helpless and weak. The lack of control really hurt me for a while, but I am so glad that this happened to me. Sure I would love a father, someone amazing in my life that I could look up to, but his absence has made me who I am. I am strong because of him.
I am not giving him any credit here, for the record, because he’s an asshole, but my entire personality was molded by this event. My strengths and my weaknesses all begin here. I hold tight (sometimes too tight) to the people I love, while at the same time trying to not get too close to anyone out of the basic fear I have of the people I love leaving me. I push the people I love away because I don’t want to risk getting hurt if they leave. This is dumb because me pushing them away makes them leave, but it’s just how I’ve always been.
The point of this whole story is that change makes us who we are, and the way we react and adjust to change really matters. Don’t let one small change in your life get you down. The point of change, good and bad, is to teach us how to react to situations by showing and making us who we are. Change is good, and if you accept it as such, you can overcome anything. Turn that frown upside down isn’t just a saying. If you consciously choose to make the changes in your life matter, and never look back, you will find out things about yourself that you may not have ever known about.
This has gotten quite preachy. I think I should stop now. Seriously though, don’t let one little thing stop you from moving forward. Follow your heart, listen to your head, and never look back.